"Are we gonna do a mother-son dance?", he asks me on the phone? "I thought we would.", I say and then the tears begin. So here we are trying to come up with a song and every one has me weeping. Not teary...weeping.
When, exactly, did he grow up? Where did that little boy with curls and osh kosh overalls run off to? What happened to the years of catching frogs and playing with tractors and building forts? When did he stop bmxing and skateboarding? When did we stop staying up until one in the morning trying to sort life out together? How did time go by so fast? And for heaven's sake, when did he become another woman's?
We will dance together. My son and I. And then I will blow my nose and smile and give him to my very first daughter. And pretend I was ready.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Friday, June 11, 2010
Midnight thoughts
The God of the universe wants to be our friend. He wants to walk with us and speak to us and direct us in the way of peace. He wants to help us. He loves us so much that he gave his only son. His only son! I have five and I cannot imagine giving even one of them up for anyone or anything. The God who is big and good and powerful wants to be our friend! Why in the world then would we not want to be his? This is what I am trying to understand tonight as I lay in bed not sleeping.
How can the world be that alluring? How can a person spend even one minute in the Presence of the One who loves them and want to go back to the world and it's stink? Where is the power in self or in a sin filled world? It makes no sense. God is so good.
Choice. I know it all comes down to choice. We have to choose Him. We have to choose to walk with Him and accept His love and help and friendship. I think God was very brave to give us free will. It must cause Him so much pain when someone who has known His touch turns and walks alone, when all God wants is to walk with us. Why would we not choose Him? He is so good!
Anyhow, after wandering around in my thoughts and emotions tonight, I have to say that choice or free will aside, I believe in the power of intercession. I refuse to stand idly by and allow the god of this world steal what belongs to the True and Living God. So, as hard as it is to understand a wandering heart or a bad choice...as much as it hurts to see someone I love in the muck, I will pray. And I will gather other prayers and we will storm heaven and we will see the captive set free. Because God is good. And I believe that!
How can the world be that alluring? How can a person spend even one minute in the Presence of the One who loves them and want to go back to the world and it's stink? Where is the power in self or in a sin filled world? It makes no sense. God is so good.
Choice. I know it all comes down to choice. We have to choose Him. We have to choose to walk with Him and accept His love and help and friendship. I think God was very brave to give us free will. It must cause Him so much pain when someone who has known His touch turns and walks alone, when all God wants is to walk with us. Why would we not choose Him? He is so good!
Anyhow, after wandering around in my thoughts and emotions tonight, I have to say that choice or free will aside, I believe in the power of intercession. I refuse to stand idly by and allow the god of this world steal what belongs to the True and Living God. So, as hard as it is to understand a wandering heart or a bad choice...as much as it hurts to see someone I love in the muck, I will pray. And I will gather other prayers and we will storm heaven and we will see the captive set free. Because God is good. And I believe that!
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